THE 10 HABITS OF CONFIDENT WOMEN
You know this woman. When she walks into a room, people take notice. They listen to her. They laugh at her jokes (even the dumb ones). So what makes her so special? Was she born under a lucky sign? Or is there something else that separates "she who gets" from "she who gets it all"? You bet there is. It's major confidence. Women who have it, know it. If you don't, click on the links below to gain their skills.
1. Make a great entrance
"For a truly graceful entrance, check your self-consciousness at the door. There is an ease that comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Hesitation can mar even the most elegant premiere. If you don't know a soul, head toward a person near the back of the room. Chances are you'll find a friendly face along the way."
--Nancy Friday, author of Our Looks, Our Lives
2. Work the room
"You first must learn to overcome mingle-phobia. Psych yourself up to enter a room. Then make your move. If you don't know anyone at the gathering, walk up to a group, smile widely, introduce yourself and say: 'I don't know a soul at this party. Can I join you guys?' This usually gets a warm, sympathetic reception, and people chat you up immediately."
--Miss Mingle (a.k.a. Jeanne Martinet), author of The Art of Mingling
3. Recover gracefully
"If you forget someone's name: Remember that this kind of thing happens to people all the time, confident or not, so don't be too embarrassed. First, admit to forgetting the person's name. Second, slap the palm of your hand to your forehead in mock horror and say, 'I can't even remember my own mother's name!' At this point, the other person will surely remind you of their name. Then simply say, 'I promise never to forget it again,' and move on."
--Etiquette expert Letitia Baldrige, author of Letitia Baldrige's Complete Guide to the New Manners for the '90s
4. Tell a great story
"Avoid phrasing your story as a joke. People think when they tell stories they have to get to a punch line, but punch lines are not in themselves amusing. You should have a deep personal interest or investment in your story ‑- it should be either profoundly moving or profoundly funny. The story needn't have happened to the storyteller, so long as the storyteller is also deeply moved by what she's recounting. Remember which details are important. Gesturing is fine so long as it comes about naturally, but a good story well told and full of conviction needs little adornment. The words are what's most important."
--Malachy McCourt, author of A Monk Swimming
5. Stay calm
"If you have a lot of nervous energy you need to get rid of, do a quick burst of aerobic activity, like jumping jacks. Then get focused. Find a quiet spot to be alone and take a few breaths before you walk into the room. Then take another slow, relaxing breath once you've entered and taken your place in front of everyone. You won't lose their attention ‑- when you're standing right in front of them, that's impossible. Then smile. People buy things from and listen to people who smile at them."
--Valerie Adami, director of programming at Weist-Barron School of Television Acting in New York
6. Ask for a raise
"Casually say to your boss at the start of the day, 'I'd love a minute of your time today,' letting him or her choose when you will meet. When you're face-to-face say, 'I really enjoy this job and working for you' and list the specific contributions you've made recently. Then take the plunge: 'Do you think you might consider giving me a raise?' Don't speak in specific numbers unless asked. End the conversation with 'Please don't feel pressure to answer right away.' This lets your boss feel in control and perhaps especially generous when she offers you that raise in a couple of days' time."
--Lauren Wiesenthal, partner at the New York legal search consulting firm Corrao, Miller, Rush, & Wiesenthal
7. Be a good haggler
"The key to getting a fair deal is to first do your homework. Pick up an issue of Consumer Reports, talk to friends, look for any information that will give you the inside scoop on what the item you want really is. Always ask for a little more or offer a little less than your limit. If you have doubts, take a night to think it over."
--Michael Donaldson, author of Negotiating for Dummies
8. Overcome fear
"Fear is a lot like pain ‑- it's your guide to pinpointing what's bothering you. After I blew out my knee in a crash while training for a competition, jumps scared me, so I had to learn to replace my fear with a strategy. The best way I've found is to rehearse the situation in your head and mentally walk your way up to the point where you feel the fear most intensely. Next, shift to something very calming (for me, it's a beach at sunset) and as you do a mental run-through, breathe out, physically relaxing your body. Then imagine yourself going through the motions flawlessly while your body and mind are relaxed. In essence, you're conditioning your mind to replace fear with success."
--Picabo Street, Olympic skiing champion
9. Don't be intimidated
"Stop all the negative thoughts in your head, then visualize yourself pushing the other person 100 feet away from you. Imagine him or her as being very small and in black and white. This will immediately reverse any feeling of inferiority. Once you've mentally laid the groundwork, you want to be the first person to say something so that the conversation is in your control. Don't say anything competitive or defensive; instead, ask something personal like 'How is your family?' Be sincere and it will probably throw off the other person's power-tripping ways."
--Anankha K. Chandler, certified hypnotherapist and author of Therapist in a Box: Emotional Healing
10. Tell a joke
"Never announce that you're about to tell a joke; it sets expectations too high and there's a better chance you'll fall flat. The joke should stem naturally from the conversation, so that people get sucked in before they even know you're telling it. Whether you're telling something that happened to a friend or something that happened last month, always say something like 'on the way over here' instead and make them believe it just happened to you. People will get more emotionally invested when it's more immediate. If your joke brings the house down, don't press your luck with another one. Always leave them wanting a little bit more."
--Tom Hertz, comedian and Emmy Award-winning writer for Dennis Miller Live
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